My previous post is so bitter. Guess I was really overwhelmed by my emotions then.
I shouldn't be so stressed and miserable. I think it's making me fall ill. During this crucial period somemore. Sighh..
Work work and work. My week will be so filled beginning from tmr.
H3 plus choir on monday,
choir prac at 530 on tues,
choir prac on wed,
H3 till 530 on thurs (aptitude test?)
go do passport on fri
choir prac and bbq and music fest audition on sat
piano lesson on sun
and in the midst of this I need to find time to go out and get a decent present for my angel-mortal before sat and practise music fest song and do the adhoc thing for choir and study for my aptitude test and practise my piano before sunday and GET WELL.
sighh.. okay. Monday, after choir, I should go straight home, revise all I can, sleep early. Tues, same thing. Wed, if choir ends early, I hope we can practise our music fest song (haven't even chosen=.=) and when I reach home I'll do my economics essay on economic growth, the group one, then Thurs... I can't really do anything..have a lunch date somemore. Friday, hope the passport thing goes fast so I can go somewhere to get my angel-mortal's present..then....omg..I feel dizzy just thinking of this. oh manz.
I can do this! jia you!
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sighh..many things happened recently that suddenly gave me the urge to post. I can't exactly share my problems with anyone, which makes me feel really troubled inside. So if you happen to read this, then too bad. If you don't want to feel even more emotional, then go away now kay:)
Let's start with something easier, something I can handle rationally.
Studies: Bio and chem and math. Three papers have been given back to us already. I didn't really meet my own expectations for bio and math, math especially. Disappointment is an emotion that I need some time to get over. I'm not troubling over the fact that I got such incredibly disappointing results, but it's sort of like I've accepted the fact but you need to give me some time to get over it. I can't confide to my friends because I don't want them to think I'm hypocritical; "You scored so well and yet you're complaining to me? Do you even care about how I feel?" yup. But we have different expectations, so you not meeting yours should give cause for an equal degree of misery when I don't meet mine?
Choir: I really hope we will increase practice time, not only as a combined choir, but I feel so !!! whenever male chorus have practice and we get to slack. Even sectionals would be nice. I don't think the girls need less practice than the guys. You can't expect us to give the same standard as guys for SOV if you don't ensure that we practise our female chorus songs a comfortable time in advance. And to tell the truth, I'm still not over the female chorus thing. I was so really to chiong, to do my best, to just race and put in everything I have. But before I was allowed to, it just ended. Do you understand how I feel? Can you? Frustration, irritation, I don't know how to describe it, but may this be an opportunity to tell me how unfair life can be.
Choir's more strict, I like it this way. It should have been like this since the start of the year. But it's still not too late. All the way!
Adhoc: I can just let it be. Just leave it alone. Stop thinking of ideas to spice up choir. What's the use? Your members don't support you. What for delivering the letters? It seems like many of them aren't doing it. What do you have to do it? And get blamed for being inefficient when the people you sms to collect the letters don't respond? What for put my heart and soul into something others think is unimportant, unnecessary and redundant.
I know, we're a committee. We shoulder a burden together. I really don't mind sharing blame together. I really don't. But what have you done to give me cause for this sacrifice? Do I deserve the blame as much as you do?
Friends: I really can't take it when people I thought are my friends start to dislike me. As I've told giam, I don't need people to like me. Just don't dislike me. Don't misunderstand my intentions. I hate the word irritated. It hurts me a lot. Irritation is worst than hate. Irritation is just something you feel when you don't feel anything for the person anymore. At least, at the point in time when you feel irritated. I'm really so confused. Is it worth sacrificing so much for choir?
For friends reading this, I hope you understand that when I turn around to ask you to keep quiet, or when I ask you to hurry up, or when I tell you to stop sms-ing, you don't think I'm a b***h. Cos I can't put rationality and relationship together. When I get serious, I can't fit relationship into the picture. I may end up becoming someone else altogether, so I hope you understand that outside choir I'm still the same.
What an emo post. My blog's been dead for so long I doubt anyone would read this=)
Jia you choir!
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