So tired!! Have been catching up on the work I've missed from 16th to 20th nov in Genting.
"How was the trip?"
'Fun! But tiring." with a smile.
How untrue. Sigh. There are so many things on my mind now. Studies is almost the least of them.
Don't be affected by the emo post if you don't want to.
I really need someone to tell me how to be a nicer person, to be more humble, to be less arrogant and to be more christ-like. I feel so guilty about stuff, about putting my trust in the wrong person, causing misery to another. I feel so stupid and foolish for doing things that would have been better if I had not done it. I shouldn't have tried, but both sides are my friends..I don't know what to do..should I favour one side over the other..? I don't know what's right and what's wrong..it's so confusing!
I need some direction..oh my..i feel so fake. I'm this mean horrid person who puts on a false smile and be nice to people. AHHHHH!!!! Now I know why people cut themselves. Does it take away some of your pain? Does it?? ARGH!
Stupid stupid stupid me. I wish I know more things so I can do the right things. I wish I can know how to learn from my mistakes. I wish I can be a better friend. I wish I can...I don't know what I want to. Maybe it'll all be better if I just fade away into the background. Maybe I should learn how to love myself again..I should just disappear..
I don't know how to make interesting conversations, I don't know how to be jovial, I don't know how to care for people, I don't know how to be wholly self-sacrificing, I can't be the person I want myself to be. There's this bad side and good side and Satan wins most of the time. I feel so apologetic. I'm so sorry.
I wish I can go to sleep and never wake up. Or if I wake up I can start over again. argh.
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